ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
