Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
