2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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