I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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