I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
