Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
