if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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