So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
