True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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