I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
