im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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