i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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