Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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