Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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