I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
