I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
