i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
