its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
