I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
