he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize