Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
