a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is my gift to your gina
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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