it wasn't lemon gatorade
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
