I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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