Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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