Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
