For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
