If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
