About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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