FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
