Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
