at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
