The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
