He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
