singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
