Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
