Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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