How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
