Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
