Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
be right there i have to get my cape
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
