take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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