I cockslap morals
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
