Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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