Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
