I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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