Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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