talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
