Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
