Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
