Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
