I wish I could teleport
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
