She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
