I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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