We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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