Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
