we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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