I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
