i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
