This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need to align my fucking chakras
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
