I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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