My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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