someone threw a dead crab at me
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
