Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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