whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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