im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
