Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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